I love food. Now that's not a surprise, most people love food, it's what gives us the energy to live and conduct meaningful lives (for the most part). However I don't just want to eat to gain the sustenance to live I want to eat for the pure enjoyment factor, and because of this I love to cook, and because I'm a man of brawn & bearded goodness I like to cook meat and cook it slowly. All this means that my condiment cupboard is stacked with all manner of rubs, spices and sauces, so when I saw a new Brazilian BBQ sauce from Hellmann's I thought why the fuck not, I mean hell they make damn good mayonnaise, why can't they make a damn good BBQ sauce?
Seriously why can't they make a good BBQ sauce?!
The alarm bell should have rung when it was only a £1, I was blinded by this introductory offer, drawn in by the funky looking bird on the bottle, I was had.
At 2pm on Sunday the 3rd of July I opened the Hellmann's Brazilian BBQ sauce and began marinading 2.5kg of pork shoulder before starting the 6 hour process of cooking this most magnificent of all slow cooked meats. This is something I've done many times, and I don't mind saying that it's almost always been with mouthwatering results, that was until the Hellmann's incident. I followed my usual process and when it came to the carving after 6 hours of care and waiting something didn't feel right, the air wasn't thick with those BBQ nasal delights, the meat was tender but seemed dryer than usual, none of the flavours had permeated into the core of this meat, it was heartbreaking, it was all Hellmann's fault, no it was my fault, I thought that a £1 pretender, a vender of good mayonnaise could compete with Kraft Bullseye or even Encona. They couldn't, I'd let my family down, I'd let pork down and most of all I'd let myself down.
Incidentally the best Brazilian BBQ sauce I have ever used was purchased from M&S and it was incredible, I can't remember what it was called but it was incredible and it was £8, proof that you pay for quality.